Lunch Day

Every Friday is "pizza lunch day" at my office. This weekly tradition involves large numbers of Minor Executives and Do Gooder Secretaries queueing up outside of Conference Room A ten minutes to 12:00. Lunch starts at 12 Noon and it is of the utmost importance that one make it to the land of slimy Italian salads before anyone else can. It is also an excellent excuse to waste 20 minutes of company time. Usually I sneak in before the crowd because I work for The Big Executive. The lunch is always the same:

1. Pizza - thin crust
2. Various Soft Drinks
3. Subway sandwiches of several varieties.
4. Italian salads

I don't understand why free food brings out the worst in everyone: secretaries touching other peoples' sandwiches, shoving, skipping line and grabbing. Sometimes I avoid it all together. Its just not worth it. BUT can I be so elitist as to turn my nose up at a free lunch? No!

Today has an added tension: its the Friday before Memorial Day, and our office has a 3:00 release. Days like this are considered a wash, so much so that certain members of our staff bring children into the office. Once The Woman On the Other Side of the Cube asked me to watch her 16 month old grandson while she went to the bathroom. Another time I found a toddler running past my cube with no adult supervision. She grabbed for me and I had to pick up the filthy beast. This isn't a picnic for goodness sakes, its an office. If I wanted to be around children, I would have taken the day off and volunteered in a nursery school! And I like children, I just don't like children in New York. Period. They don't belong here. Go to Westchester, Go to New Jersey, Go to Long Island I say! New York is no place for children!

The other day I was fantasizing with my boyfriend about how I wish New York had a policy of "no children allowed" at certain restaurants. It could be done tastefully with signs- perhaps a pacifier or a stroller with an X over it. Then all of the parents and children could congregate with each other at "family friendly restaurants" where they belong.

I can hear one squealing right now...