The Israeli

Today while sitting at my cube a tall Mediterranean person swooshed by me with a plastic bag and a clipboard. He was going for my bosses door, so of course I have to counter back with big smile,

"Oh hi. How can I help you?"

"I'm here to measure glass"

"OMG, are you here to measure my cube?"

The rumor is we are getting new cubes. I was thrilled-- thinking the process was possibly underway...at the very possibility that this shithole could look a little less like Guantanamo Bay.

"No, I'm here to measure windows for blinds"

"Ohhhh. Well my boss is in a terrible mood, is there any way you can come back later? My boss, he ummm (whispering) he owns this company"

"okay okay, I come back later, I understand how this world is working"

Twenty minutes later he returned with his clipboard, he put it on the top edge of my cube and began:

"You should go to Israel! You would get so tan, my last girlfriend (clap) whiter than you. NO BURN! Just tan, (clapping). You party there! You go out all of the time and you party! And it is so small, people say, Hello you, good morning you!. I want to go back. I keep saying these things to remind myself. You should go!"

I didn't know how to respond, I always think of Israel as a place for college students going to a kibbutz or really big guns but I didn't want him to stop talking it was far too entertaining. So I said

"Yeah, I totally should go and see the holy land"

"What?"

"The holy land"

"What?"

"You know, the wall where the people pray and stick things in the wall"

"Are you Jewish?"

"No"

"You know, Jesus was not born in Israel he was born in Egypt to Miriam and she wanted to become pregnant, so she asked God and he made her pregnant. From NO SEX!"

Now this started to really excite me. I love hearing about religious conspiracies. And sex.

"Wooow. You are totally right I bet"

"Yes. In the military we were taught that are gun is our girlfriend. No girlfriends in the military. But they teach you, Hey you, have fun! Have fun when you are young and travel, don't get married! On your birthday, they get a girlfriend for you."

"Wooow."

"Okay I've got to go. I like talking. I like you. I'll see you in a few weeks"